small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
