im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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