New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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