You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
