He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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