never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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