explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
