Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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