You just made me feel so damn special
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
