She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
