apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
