i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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