I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
