my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
