for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
