WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
