you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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