Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
