Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
