She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
