So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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