A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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