im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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