Michael Bay diarrhea
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
