just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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