You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
