dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
