Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
