i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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