No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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