and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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