Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
