Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
