The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
