i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
