My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
