Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
