How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
