sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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