if you like me you must not know who I am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
