i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
