I will die if light touches me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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