is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did i just pee glitter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
