Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
