you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm passing your future prison.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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