it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
