Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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