Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
