new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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