She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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