i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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