Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
