I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
