We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this boner is exhausting
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
