Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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